Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 13 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
We’re halfway through ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’ and it’s time to check out Chapter 13. We’re still in ‘The Two Twits’ segment of the story here. 🙂
Enjoy!
Check out what Day 13 of my ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendars for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 were about!
Tim. 🙂
Chapter 13
The White Rider…Who Was Reborn Naked At First
In Fangorn Forest, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli continue to search for Merry and Pippin. Gimli examines some leaves which contain various flavours of juicy, fruity flowers on them. He tastes one…
GIMLI: Hmm. Cherry flower!
Then another…
GIMLI: Hmm. Apricot flower!
Then another…
GIMLI: Hmm. Apple flower!
Then another.
GIMLI: Hmm. Orange flower!
And finally…
GIMLI: (spits; disgusted) Orc blood!
ARAGORN: Gimli, stop tasting those, okay! We’re supposed to be looking for hobbits, not for leaves and flowers.
Gimli tastes the orc blood again, before spitting it out again, disgusted.
GIMLI: Ugh, I hate orc blood.
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli continue searching the forest before they come across something.
GIMLI: Hey look! An orc has been splattered! Ha-ha!
ARAGORN: I wonder how you got dead, orc.
Grishnákh, despite being dead, manages to say something through his squashed face, but it’s inaudible.
ARAGORN: What did he say?
GIMLI: I don’t know.
LEGOLAS: He said I’ve been squashed by…a Brent!
ARAGORN: A Brent?
Still continuing to search the forest…
ARAGORN: How are we going to find Merry and Pippin in this place?
LEGOLAS: (notices) Those are odd footprints in the ground. They’re not hobbit footprints certainly.
ARAGORN: (ignores Legolas) Come on now! Come on, Legolas; come on, Gimli. Down we come!
They make their way down in the forest, before Aragorn spots something that fascinates him.
ARAGORN: (realises) Wait a minute! I think these are too big for hobbits’ footprints.
LEGOLAS: (annoyed) That’s what I just said! But no-one listens to me!
GIMLI: (ignorant) Sorry, didn’t hear you. What did you say?
LEGOLAS: (annoyed) See?! Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?!
They continue searching further in the forest.
ARAGORN: (sniffs) Ugh! What’s that smell? (Pause) Has someone farted? Have you farted, Gimli?
GIMLI: No.
ARAGORN: What do you think, Legolas?
LEGOLAS: This forest is far old.
GIMLI: What do you expect it to be? New? Like my axe?
Just then, strange noises echo in the forest. Gimli takes out and raises his axe, ready for anything.
ARAGORN: (whispers) Gimli! Gimli!!!
GIMLI: Yes?
ARAGORN: Lower your axe!
Gimli does just that. He lowers it slightly.
ARAGORN: Lower it a bit more!
Gimli lowers it to the ground.
ARAGORN: A bit more for goodness sake!
Gimli digs his axe deep into the ground.
GIMLI: This is how far I can get to.
LEGOLAS: Gimli, he means ‘put your axe away’.
Gimli throws his axe to the ground.
LEGOLAS: NO!!! Put it in your…
GIMLI: Oh! Why didn’t you say so before?
Gimli picks up his axe from the ground and sheathes it.
Legolas soon notices something.
LEGOLAS: Aragorn!
ARAGORN: What is it, Legolas?
LEGOLAS: We must speak in duck language! Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
ARAGORN: (puzzled) Quack, quack, quack?
LEGOLAS: The White Wizard…approaches.
Eventually, after reuniting with Gandalf, the wizard finishes recounting his tale of his fight with the Balrog to Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli.
GANDALF: But it was not the end. I felt life…in me again. (Pause) And I woke up…naked!
In a flashback, Gandalf wakes up, shocked to find he’s naked, and looking around to see where he is.
A day or so later at Edoras, after the funeral of Théodred, Gandalf tries to comfort and reassure King Théoden of Rohan.
GANDALF: Try not to be upset.
THÉODEN: Upset? Who said I’m upset? I’m happy!
Théoden puts on a happy, smiley face. Then he bursts out loud into tears.
Later, inside the Golden Hall, as well as the two children that came from the Rohan village attacked by Dunlendings eating at a table, Gimli also wolfs down his food and gulps down his beer at a table. He lets out a huge belch as well as a huge fart.
GIMLI: Ooh! Pardon me!
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