Hello everyone! 🙂
Welcome to ‘Bradley’s Basement’ blog and I’m Tim Bradley!
It’s Day 9 of ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendar 2021.
We now begin ‘The Two Twits’ segment of ‘The Lord of the Rings: Comedy Version’. Let’s find out what happens to the characters in Chapter 9! 🙂
Enjoy!
Check out what Day 9 of my ‘Bradley’s Basement’s Advent Calendars for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 were about!
Tim. 🙂
Chapter 9
The Clumsy Taming of Sméagol…and Gollum (We Think)
With Frodo and Sam in Emyn Muil, they’re about to have lunch.
FRODO: What food have we got left?
SAM: Well, let me see. Err…maggoty bread, pen, err…a dead orc…
Sam takes out a dead orc from his bag, which plops.
SAM: Err…another dead orc…
DEAD URUK-HAI: I’m an Uruk-hai!
SAM: Oh sorry! Dead Uruk-hai.
Sam takes out the dead Uruk-hai from his bag, which plops.
FRODO: (puzzled) How did they get in your bag?
SAM: I don’t know. (continues) Err, sword, shield, axe, saucepan…
FRODO: (interrupts) Is there anything we can eat at all?
SAM: Oh yes! There’s the lembas bread the elves gave us. Thankfully, Gimli didn’t eat all of it. I snuck some into my bag.
Sam passes some lembas bread to Frodo. Sam also helps himself to some lembas bread.
FRODO: Okay. Thanks, Sam.
SAM: I hope this is going to be delicious.
Frodo and Sam begin to tuck into their bead. As they do so, loud ‘Foundations of Stone’ music plays out loud, starling Frodo and Sam.
SAM: Wait a minute! What’s going on? There’s something wrong with this bread!
Sam checks.
SAM: Oh I’ve forgotten. We’re eating music bread.
Sam eats another end of his bread and ‘The Taming of Sméagol’ music plays out loud.
SAM: See?
Frodo and Sam eat more of their bread with ‘The Taming of Sméagol’ music playing. As they eat, Frodo and Sam find the bread not much to their tastes.
FRODO: (about to puke) Ugh! I think I’m going to be sick.
SAM: (disgusted) This tastes more like…mushy bread.
One night, Gollum attacks the hobbits. He clasps his arms around Sam’s neck and his legs around his waist in a death grip. Sam coughs and splutters whilst this happens.
SAM: (chokes) I sound like a… (coughs) …I sound like a Gollum as well!
Frodo unsheathes his sword Sting and holds it to Gollum’s throat.
FRODO: This…is a very sharp blade!
SAM: (chokes; annoyed) Well, of course, it is! Hurry up!
FRODO: You don’t want to be slit by it, do you? Do you, Gollum?
A while later, Frodo and Sam drag Gollum with them as their prisoner. Gollum makes a lot of noise as they go.
GOLLUM: It burns! It burns us! It freezes! Nasty elves twisted it! Take it of us!
SAM: Us? How can there be an us? There’s only one of you!
Gollum screams some more and collapses onto his back.
SAM: It’s hopeless! Every orc in Mordor is going to hear this racket! Let’s just tie him up and leave him!
GOLLUM: No! NO! That would kill us! Kill us! KILL US!!!!
SAM: (annoyed) How can there be an us?! There’s only one of you!
After Frodo says he pities Gollum…
GOLLUM: (begs) We be nice to them if they be nice to us! Take it off us!
SAM: (shouts; frustrated) HOW CAN THERE BE AN US?!!! THERE’S ONLY ONE OF YOU!!!!!
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