Chapter 1
SCENE #2 – EXT – MAIN DECK, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, MORNING
A few days later aboard the S.S. Majesty, the TARDIS arrives, as it whooshes and chuffs before making a full materialisation. With a loud thump, it lands. The TARDIS doors open and out step Nyssa and Billy, who look around in amazement, carrying their suitcases.
NYSSA
Is… Is this it?
BILLY
(awed) It must be! At least, I hope so! (thrilled) Oh, this is better than I expected! Fantastic! An ocean cruise, at last!
NYSSA
This is where you had in mind to take me on our honeymoon.
BILLY
You needn’t sound disappointed.
NYSSA
I’m not. I’m very pleased, if intrigued, that you should consider this our romantic getaway. After everything we’ve faced with the Daleks and the Cybermen…
BILLY
Yes, well, this is a clean slate from all that. A lovely perfect holiday on an ocean cruise for a couple of weeks. Just the two of us!
NYSSA
Don’t say perfect, Billy. Nothing’s ever perfect.
BILLY
It is for me. I’m happy to be with you, Nyssa. So happy I’m married you to have this honeymoon out at sea.
NYSSA
Yes I know, Billy. I’m happy too. Thank you for arranging it.
BILLY
Well, it wasn’t just me. The Doctor helped too. I couldn’t have arranged this without him.
NYSSA
Speaking of which, where is he? He’s not still in the TARDIS, is he?
Just then, the Doctor steps out of the TARDIS, carrying his suitcase.
DOCTOR
I can hear every word you’re saying, you two. At least I got the coordinates right and the space-time zone right.
BILLY
This is Nineteen Thirty-Nine, isn’t it, Doctor?
DOCTOR
Of course, Billy! And in the middle of September, as requested.
BILLY
(pleased) Great! This is going to be an amazing honeymoon, Nyssa dear!
DOCTOR
We’ll have to find your cabins first though, Billy. You two can’t enjoy the honeymoon experience without settling in.
BILLY
Good point. Let’s find a porter, if there’s one about!
NYSSA
What about that man in the peak cap and dark uniform? Would he be a porter?
DOCTOR
Let’s find out.
The TARDIS trio go over to meet the Porter and obtain his attention.
DOCTOR
Excuse me? I say, excuse me?
PORTER
Yeah?
BILLY
We’ve got a couple of reservations for this ocean voyage. Can you help us find our cabins?
PORTER
Have you pre-booked passes, sir?
DOCTOR
Here we are. They’re all here.
The Doctor hands over the passes, which the Porter takes, and inspects them thoroughly.
PORTER
Hmm. I see everything’s in order. Come this way, please.
NYSSA
Thank you. That’s very kind.
PORTER
The other porters will take your suitcases.
The TARDIS trio follow the Porter, whilst other porters pick up, carry their suitcases and follow. They past passengers along the way.
DOCTOR
Quite a good turnout aboard this cruise, I must say!
NYSSA
I find this an extraordinary ship. Do you know much about it, Doctor?
DOCTOR
The S.S. Majesty! I located the ship via the TARDIS databanks on a random setting. There’s little information about it, apart from that it was highly-rated and a success on its maiden voyage.
BILLY
I’m pleased we came. It seems pretty classy, this ship. Luxurious.
NYSSA
And rather expensive. Have you checked the prices for this ship, Billy? Surely they exceed your budget.
BILLY
That doesn’t matter, Nyssa. This is our honeymoon, remember? I’m happy to spoil you.
DOCTOR
And I’m paying, remember?
BILLY
Really? I thought I was.
DOCTOR
Consider it a wedding gift, Billy. From me to you both!
NYSSA
Oh, Doctor, that’s very sweet.
DOCTOR
Well, I’ve had these cruise passes for the S.S. Majesty for quite some time. Never had the chance to use them. This is the ideal opportunity as far as you two are concerned.
NYSSA
You must have had the passes for a considerable length of time then.
DOCTOR
Oh, I obtained them in my first regeneration a while back. Just forgot I had them. And luckily, it was three I had at the time.
BILLY
Three? So, that means you’re in on the voyage as well.
DOCTOR
In a manner of speaking, yes. I promise I won’t cramp your style, Billy.
BILLY
I never said you would, Doctor.
The Porter stops as they arrive at their cabins.
PORTER
Your cabins, sirs; ma’am.
DOCTOR
Ah! Lead on, good fellow!
The Porter opens the door to let the Doctor, Nyssa and Billy in.
SCENE #3 – INT – NYSSA AND BILLY’S CABIN, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, MORNING
Inside the cabin, Nyssa and Billy enter and look around, awed and amazed.
NYSSA
Oh my! Billy, this is too good to be true! You shouldn’t have…
BILLY
(interjects; happily) I don’t care! I love this!
NYSSA
Me too. You’re right, it’s very classy. Almost to Traken standards!
BILLY
(laughs) I’m glad you said that, sweetheart!
PORTER
(to Doctor) I’ll take you to your cabin, sir, if you’re ready.
DOCTOR
I am, thank you, Porter. (to Nyssa; Billy) See you two later. I’ll pop by.
NYSSA
Bye, Doctor.
BILLY
Yeah, see you, Doctor.
The Doctor leaves the cabin, following the porters and shutting the door behind him.
NYSSA
Well, now the Doctor’s gone…
BILLY
We can be alone at last!
Billy plays around with Nyssa lovingly and cheekily.
NYSSA
Billy, don’t be so cheeky!
BILLY
No, but seriously, do you approve? Of this I mean?
NYSSA
Yes, Billy. It’s really nice. I like how you and the Doctor organised this getaway. (Pause) There’s only one thing that puzzles me.
BILLY
Oh? What’s that?
NYSSA
Where do we sleep?
BILLY
(realises) Ah, yes! Of course! (checks) Um, through this door, I think?
NYSSA
It’s a logical assumption.
Nyssa and Billy go over to a door to step inside their bedroom.
SCENE #4 – INT – BEDROOM. NYSSA AND BILLY’S CABIN – DAY, MORNING
BILLY
(approves) Yes, this is more like it! Our honeymoon is complete!
NYSSA
Is there a reason why you opted for Nineteen Thirty-Nine, Billy? And on an ocean cruise?
BILLY
Why shouldn’t I? Nineteen Thirty-Nine is a great year for America! I love what it has to offer in that time. With dancing and music. All that nostalgia, I love it!
NYSSA
Don’t I know it, my dear.
Both giggle, as they end up on the bed together. Both embrace as they kiss.
BILLY
I love you so much, Nyssa.
NYSSA
I love you too, Billy.
BILLY
I’m really happy you said ‘yes’ to marrying me on that special day. You remember?
NYSSA
How can I ever forget?
Both giggle before they kiss again.
SCENE #5 – EXT – PACIFIC OCEAN, CLOSE TO LOS ANGELES – DAY, AFTERNOON
That afternoon, the S.S. Majesty continues voyaging through the Pacific Ocean. The ocean cruise progresses swimmingly without any hassle nor worry.
SCENE #6 – INT – BEDROOM. NYSSA AND BILLY’S CABIN – DAY, AFTERNOON
Later that day, Nyssa and Billy settle in their cabin, as they unpack their suitcases in the bedroom.
NYSSA
So, Billy, what did you have in mind to do on this ocean cruise? I assume you know more about these cruises better than I do.
BILLY
Not really. This is the first time for me. Although I do know there are stopping points around the world we can stop and look at. We can take a day trip somewhere either in Chicago, Brazil or somewhere European like Denmark.
NYSSA
This cruise goes all around the world then.
BILLY
Of course! And we can do things aboard the ship like swimming in the swimming pool. Go to the picture house. Or dance on the dance floor in the evening.
NYSSA
That’s more to your taste, isn’t it?
BILLY
You’re right there. Of course, for you, there are some nice music concerts to enjoy featuring music by Tchaikovsky and Beethoven. More to Traken standards, I guess.
NYSSA
I prefer walking in gardens. We can do that whilst we’re going to one of these stopping points, can’t we? They must have gardens around the world.
BILLY
(laughs) Oh, I’m sure we can find that out via the maps and the cruise guides. There are plenty of things for us to do and see.
NYSSA
Or we can just spend time with each other in our cabin. Without having to go anywhere or do anything. Just the two of us.
BILLY
Yes. We can do that if you like.
NYSSA
I know it’s something you’d like to do, my dear.
BILLY
(laughs) I’m amazed how we’ve reached this point.
Nyssa and Billy kiss.
NYSSA
Mind you, we won’t get anywhere if we’re smooching or talking to each other like this. We’ve still a lot of unpacking to do.
BILLY
Yes. Or at least you have. I’ve never seen so many clothes.
NYSSA
You want me to look my best every day we spend together, don’t you?
Both giggle before there’s a knock on the door.
NYSSA + BILLY
(in unison) Come in.
The door opens and the Doctor enters.
DOCTOR
Ah, there you are! Settled in, are we?
NYSSA
We’re slowly getting there.
DOCTOR
So, I see.
BILLY
Hey! We can’t help being in this state, can we? Us love birds?
DOCTOR
Apparently not.
NYSSA
Are you settled in your cabin, Doctor? Are you close to where we are?
DOCTOR
On the lower decks. Not exactly high standards, but it’ll do.
BILLY
(teases) Well, I’m sorry, Doctor, we’d love to swap cabins with you, but I don’t think Nyssa would be happy about that. And I can’t help but think of her happiness all the time.
NYSSA
Billy, don’t be so cheeky!
DOCTOR
No, no, Nyssa, it’s alright. Besides, I’m happy I’m still able to access all areas of the ship rather than the poor unfortunates.
NYSSA
Well, we’re not sure what the cuisine or the leisurely aspects of this cruise ship are like. They could be low standard as your cabin, Doctor.
BILLY
(laughs) I don’t believe that for a moment.
DOCTOR
Billy’s right, Nyssa. The S.S. Majesty is one of the most highly regarded in terms of leisure cruises. Of course, it only made one ocean voyage, but it was still highly rated.
NYSSA
(curiously) Why did it make only one ocean voyage, Doctor?
DOCTOR
I don’t know. That’s always been a mystery to me.
BILLY
(groans) Oh, Doctor, you haven’t put us in one of your most intriguing mysteries of the universe again, have you?
DOCTOR
Whatever gave you that idea?
BILLY
We know you, Doctor. You promised this would be a fun-free cruise for Nyssa and me on our honeymoon.
DOCTOR
It is, Billy, it is. I give you my word.
NYSSA
We’ll take your word for it, Doctor.
DOCTOR
Thank you, Nyssa.
BILLY
What?
NYSSA
We have to give the Doctor some leeway, Billy. We can’t always doubt him.
The Doctor meanwhile inspects Nyssa and Billy’s luggage.
DOCTOR
What on Gallifrey are these?
NYSSA
Oh, Doctor, don’t make fun of my luggage! I’ve had enough from Billy…
DOCTOR
(interrupts) It’s Billy’s luggage I’m looking at, Nyssa!
BILLY
What? Mine? What about my luggage? What’s wrong with it?
DOCTOR
Well, is this what you think Americans wore in the Nineteen-Thirties? Stylish hats and white spats?
BILLY
I got it from your TARDIS wardrobe, Doctor. Besides, I rather like them. I hope to dress up like Frank Sinatra and Fred Astaire. (realises) Say, do you think we’ll get to meet either of them or both on this ocean cruise?
DOCTOR
It’s highly unlikely, Billy.
NYSSA
Doctor, anything can happen. Especially to lovers like us.
DOCTOR
So, you two have planned what you want to do on this cruise then?
NYSSA
Not really. We were just chatting about it before you came in.
BILLY
What have you in mind to do, Doctor, whilst Nyssa and I are out and about?
DOCTOR
Oh, I’ll find something, Billy. Something to enjoy, I suppose.
NYSSA
Like a cricket pavilion or a games area.
DOCTOR
Possibly, Nyssa, possibly.
BILLY
Well, how about a drink, Nyssa, once we’ve finished packing? Just somewhere to relax and take in the sea air.
NYSSA
I’d like that, yes. We can explore whilst we’re settling in.
BILLY
Yes! There’s bound to be plenty of bars aboard this ship.
NYSSA
What about you, Doctor? Care to join us? (Pause; puzzled) Doctor?
The Doctor examines a newspaper on a nearby desk.
DOCTOR
Hmm?
BILLY
Something caught your interest in the paper, Doc?
DOCTOR
There have been some recent burglaries in the last couple of weeks in Los Angeles. A gang of criminals known as the Slithee gang have stolen significant works of art and jewellery.
NYSSA
The Slithee gang? You know them, Doctor?
DOCTOR
No. Never heard of them.
BILLY
Then why seem worried about them?
DOCTOR
(muses) I’m not sure, Billy, I’m not sure. (Pause) Just wondering what these stolen artefacts were and how significant they are to the entire universe.
SCENE #7 – EXT – TOP DECK, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
On the S.S. Majesty’s top deck, Captain Toler overlooks to see where shipmen and sailors are doing their duties.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(barks) Hey, mate! Store the livestock securely! I’m running a tight ship here! I’m not going to risk us crashing into a tidal wave!
FIRST MATE
Aye, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(barks) And you men! Secure those wind barriers and port staff! We’re never gonna to be secure if we run into any storms!
The shipmen acknowledge with “Ayes”, as they attend to their duties.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(impatiently) Where’s my first officer? I need to relay important information to him! Where is he?
FIRST MATE
He’s on his way, sir. He’s just settled into his cabin.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(exasperated) Fine time to be taking a nap. I want every one of my men to be ready!
FIRST MATE
This is an ocean cruise liner, sir. Not a battleship.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Never take anything for granted. We must be ready for anything. There’s always danger wherever we go, no matter how obvious or subtle.
FIRST MATE
Aye, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(impatiently) Well, go on! Get on with securing the livestock! Don’t stand about all day!
FIRST MATE
Aye, sir!
The Captain continues to walk about the deck and oversee everything that goes on.
SCENE #8 – EXT – LOWER DECK, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
Below deck, the first officer exits his cabin to go out and join the bridge officers on deck. He’s immediately jumped upon and gagged by three shifty characters.
BUSTER
(triumphantly) Got him!
SNOWY
Push him in there! The store cupboard! We’ll knock him out and take his clothes off! Got it, Buster?
BUSTER
Right on it, Snowy!
Buster and Snowy push the first officer into the cupboard, now gagged and tied up, whilst Pugsley observes nearby.
PUGSLEY
(approves) Good work, you two. Now, we can get on with what we came for. (impatiently) Hurry up! We don’t want any other officers spotting us, do we?
Snowy and Buster begin taking off the First Officer’s clothes, who protests with his mouth gagged.
SNOWY
(to First Officer) Hey, easy! Pipe down, darling! We’re not gonna hurt you, okay! But we do require your outer garments.
BUSTER
(to Pugsley) You seem to know the ins and outs of our business already, Pugsley. Did the boss give you the load down after all?
PUGSLEY
Of course he did, Buster. He told me we gotta get some special package from the Captain. And what a special package we’re going to get!
SCENE #9 – INT – BAR, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
Meanwhile, Nyssa and Billy have been exploring the ship for some time. They enter a bar, and make their way to sit down at a table.
BILLY
Here we are. A free table for us two.
NYSSA
I’m glad we’re able to take the weight off our feet at last. We must have walked for hours.
BILLY
We’ve only walked for an hour, dear.
NYSSA
An hour?
They sit down.
BILLY
You said you wanted to explore the ship.
NYSSA
(sighs) Yes I did, didn’t I
BILLY
Well, what do you fancy ? White wine, red wine, champagne?
NYSSA
Something cool, actually. Lemonade?
BILLY
Great! I fancy a lemonade myself.
NYSSA
Do we have to go to the bar and order our drinks?
BILLY
Here’s a waiter. I’ll ask him. (clears throat) Waiter! Oh, waiter! Over here!
GROGAN
(grunts) What do you mean “Oh, waiter”? Grogan’s the name! What will you have?
BILLY
Err…two lemonades, please.
Grogan grunts before he leaves.
NYSSA
(wryly) Friendly sort of waiter, isn’t he?
BILLY
There’s bound to be plenty of his sort aboard this ship. We just have to be polite and friendly and everything will be fine.
NYSSA
We were being polite and friendly. I just wonder why he couldn’t be the same.
BILLY
Anyway, now we’ve seen most of the ship, what do you think of it so far?
NYSSA
I quite like this vessel. It’s very pleasant and stylish. I can see why you wanted to have our honeymoon here.
BILLY
Well, I like us to be pampered. We deserve it after all, and the ship offers so much.
NYSSA
Just don’t go over your budget, Billy. I know you like to treat me, but don’t spend too much.
BILLY
You’re very concerned about how much I’m going to spend, aren’t you?
NYSSA
I do worry about you, Billy. You go to such lengths to treat me and look after me. I just want you to look after yourself as well.
BILLY
I know, I know. But I love you so much, Nyssa. I can’t help myself sometimes.
Gradually, they kiss.
NYSSA
I wonder how the Doctor is. I hope he’s found something to do whilst we’re enjoying ourselves.
BILLY
(gradually distracted) I hope so too. He’s bound to get himself into trouble, knowing him.
Nyssa takes out a cruise guide and places it on the table before opening it.
NYSSA
I obtained one of the cruise guides you mentioned. Perhaps we can go through it to see what’s on offer… (Pause; realises) Billy? Billy, darling? Are you listening?
BILLY
(astounded) Do….do you see her, Nyssa?
NYSSA
See who, Billy?
BILLY
Her! Over there! I can’t believe my eyes!
Nyssa looks to see where Billy’s seeing.
NYSSA
(realises) Oh, her! That girl at the bar. Yes, I see her. (puzzled) What’s wrong with her? She seems perfectly ordinary to me.
BILLY
It’s Judy Garland, Nyssa! Judy Garland!
NYSSA
Who?
BILLY
Oh, I’ve told you about her lots of times! She’s the singer and actress who’s been in lots of films. From the Nineteen-Thirties and Forties. She was famous for that film she did. ‘The Wizard of Oz’. You know, the one we saw?
NYSSA
(realises) Oh, yes! That fantasy film about Dorothy and the friends she made, including a lion, a scarecrow and a tin man.
BILLY
That’s it! She’s also been in films like ‘Strike Up the Band’ and ‘Babes In Arms’! (amazed) I can’t believe it! She’s here of all people aboard this cruise!
NYSSA
She seems lovely. (Pause) You’re a big fan of hers, I take it.
BILLY
Absolutely! (Pause; realises) Oh, of course, that’s it! We’re in Nineteen Thirty-Nine, aren’t we?
NYSSA
That’s a significant year concerning her, I take it.
BILLY
It’s the year where she made her success in ‘The Wizard of Oz’. The year it came out at cinemas. Or theaters as they call it in the USA.
NYSSA
She’s leaving. She’s got herself a drink.
BILLY
(enamoured) Isn’t this amazing? My heart’s pumping already!
NYSSA
Take it easy, Billy. Do try and calm down. You don’t want you to get over-excited.
SCENE #10 – EXT – MAIN DECK, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
On the ship’s main deck, Snowy and Buster walk together, heading for the S.S. Majesty’s main bar area. They’re dressed up in bow tie and suit, dress and everything.
SNOWY
(whispers; annoyed) Stop fiddling with your bow tie, Buster. You’re making a scene.
BUSTER
(whispers; annoyed) This thing’s too tight on me, Snowy. I feel like I’m being hanged.
SNOWY
(whispers) It’s good for appearances, you know. Now take my hand and treat me as if I were your dancing partner. We’re supposed to be dating, remember?
They enter, opening and closing the door behind them.
SCENE #11 – INT – BAR, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
They quietly enter the bar, making themselves discrete.
BUSTER
(wryly) I so love working with you, deary. You always know how to make a man feel good about himself.
SNOWY
Shut up, Buster.
BUSTER
(realises) Hey, look! Over there! She’s sitting by herself.
SNOWY
(realises) So she is. Our target: Judy Garland. (Pause; puzzled) Unusual to see her by herself, isn’t it? She’s usually bombarded by her fans.
BUSTER
Perhaps this is her quality time out of the spotlight.
SNOWY
Hmm, maybe. (Pause) I wonder why Mickey Rooney isn’t with her. He’s aboard, isn’t he?
BUSTER
Yeah, he is. (Pause) Perhaps Judy’s waiting for him.
SNOWY
You might be right. (Pause) Let’s not waste time. Let’s go over to her.
BUSTER
(realises) No, wait! Look!
SNOWY
(annoyed) What is it now?
BUSTER
(urgently) Behind this pillar, quickly!
Snowy and Buster get behind a pillar and hide, before they see Nyssa and Billy.
SNOWY
(shocked) What the…?
BUSTER
You see what I see, Snowy?
SNOWY
I see alright! It’s just not possible!
BUSTER
There’s somebody…who looks just like me!
SNOWY
Never mind you! What about the girl who looks like me?
BUSTER
Alright, we get the picture. Two people looking exactly like us. But how? Why is this the case?
SNOWY
(whispers; pouts) It’s not fair! We’ve got competition.
BUSTER
Have we?
SNOWY
Of course, it’s obvious! This can’t be a coincidence. (Pause) Let’s listen to what our doubles are going to say to Miss Garland.
BUSTER
(puzzled) Are they making their way over to her then?
SNOWY
Well, your lookalike is advancing towards her, at least!
Moment of silence, as Snowy and Buster sit at a table to observe Billy making his way over to meet Judy Garland.
BUSTER
(puzzled) Taking his time, ain’t he?
SNOWY
He seems nervous about meeting Miss Garland.
SCENE #12 – INT – BAR, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
Meanwhile, Judy is at her table in the bar with her drink, seemingly waiting, as Billy approaches her.
BILLY
Uh…hello.
JUDY
Oh, hi!
BILLY
Judy Garland?
JUDY
That’s me! Can I help you?
BILLY
(awed) It’s such an honour to meet you. I had no idea you were on board. Honest.
Billy shakes Judy’s hand.
JUDY
(startled) Oh, err…thanks. You’re a…passenger?
BILLY
Yes. Me and my wife, that is. (Pause) I just want to say…you’re wonderful!
JUDY
(astonished) I am?
BILLY
Yes! I’m a huge fan of your work. I’ve seen every film you’ve been in and…I think you’re fantastic! I really mean that!
JUDY
(gratified) Well, gee, thanks! I’m glad you like me in the movies. I haven’t done that many, but I’m glad you keep track of my work.
BILLY
Oh, you’re going to be a success, Judy, I know it! (realises) May I call you Judy? Or do you prefer to be called Miss Garland?
JUDY
Err…Judy’s fine by me.
BILLY
I first saw you in ‘The Wizard of Oz’!
JUDY
(interrupts) Wait! I thought you said you’ve seen me in every film I’ve done.
BILLY
(realises) Oh, yes. Err…what I meant was, that’s the first popular film I’ve seen you in…before all the others…you’ve been in.
JUDY
(perplexed) Err…thanks. I think.
Moment of silence.
BILLY
Oh, sorry! This is my wife!
Billy summons Nyssa over.
BILLY
Nyssa, this is Judy. Judy, this is Nyssa.
JUDY
Hi, there!
NYSSA
Hello. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Garland. Billy’s told me so much about you.
JUDY
Has he?
NYSSA
Yes. Billy said you’ve been in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ as well as ‘Strike Up the Band’, ‘Babes in Arms’…
JUDY
(interrupts; confused) Wait, wait! ‘Strike Up the Band’? ‘Babes in Arms’?
NYSSA
Yes. Billy told me that…
BILLY
(interrupts) Nyssa, wait.
Billy takes Nyssa to one side.
BILLY
(quietly) She hasn’t done those films yet. Not for a couple of years.
NYSSA
(realises) Oh, I see. Sorry.
Nyssa and Billy return to Judy.
BILLY
(to Judy) Sorry about that. Nyssa confused you with someone else. I’ve seen you in other films like…err…the Andy Hardy films! The ones you’ve done with Mickey Rooney.
JUDY
(realises) Oh! You’ve seen ‘Love Finds Andy Hardy’ then?
BILLY
Yes, I have! It’s a terrific film!
NYSSA
Indeed it is. I remember seeing it.
BILLY
You do?
NYSSA
Yes. You showed it to me, remember?
BILLY
Oh, yes, so I have. (to Judy) I love seeing you in the Andy Hardy films.
JUDY
Well, I’m glad you like them. I’ve only done one of those films with Mickey by the way.
BILLY
(surprised) Have you really? (Pause; realises) Oh, yes, so you have! (Pause) Well, you’ve worked with him on other things, I’m sure.
JUDY
Mickey’s here if you want to meet him. I’m waiting for him now, you see…
At that moment, Mickey enters.
MICKEY
(pleased) Judy, there you are! I was told you were in here.
JUDY
Mickey, I’d like you to meet these two. They’ve seen my work! Mr…?
BILLY
(interjects) Billy! Billy Walker. And this is my wife…
NYSSA
(interjects) Nyssa. How do you do?
BILLY
(amazed) You’re Mickey Rooney! It’s lovely to meet you…
MICKEY
(interrupts) Say, listen, Judy, some of the guys wanna see us about our concert tonight. I think we’d better go and talk to them.
JUDY
Oh. Okay.
MICKEY
(to Nyssa; Billy) Sorry, kids, we’ve got a show to do tonight. And this is meant to be Judy’s off-time, in case you hadn’t noticed.
BILLY
(put-out) Oh, sorry.
NYSSA
Yes, apologies. We shouldn’t have interrupted.
BILLY
(abjectly) We only…wanted to say ‘hello’.
JUDY
You can come and see our show tonight. If you two can come, that is.
BILLY
(realises) Show? Yes, we’d love to see your show! Wouldn’t we, Nyssa?
NYSSA
Indeed we would. Thank you, Miss Garland, Mr. Rooney. It’s very kind of you to invite us.
JUDY
Don’t mention it. We’ll look forward to seeing you.
MICKEY
(impatiently) Come on, Judy, the guys are waiting.
Mickey takes Judy with her drink in her head, as they both head out of the bar.
JUDY
(cheerfully) See you guys later! Nice chatting to you!
Nyssa and Billy watch to see Judy leave with Mickey. Another moment of silence.
NYSSA
(concerned) Are you alright, Billy?
BILLY
(starstruck) That was….so amazing! Us meeting Judy Garland! I can’t believe it happened!
NYSSA
(calmly) Take it easy, Billy. Don’t get over-excited.
BILLY
(starstruck) She’s amazing! She’s exactly how I imagined her to be. (Pause) Did you think I was a bit overbearing? Too much hero worship?
NYSSA
I think you were…decent in your approach.
BILLY
Decent?
NYSSA
(reassuringly) You were fine, Billy. And I’m sure she liked you. You’re good at paying compliments to people.
BILLY
(pleased) Thanks, Nyssa. I really appreciate that. (Pause) Well, I’m glad we’re seeing her and Mickey in their show tonight.
NYSSA
(encouragingly) Come on. Let’s head back to our cabin. I’d like to try out the new dress I selected from the TARDIS wardrobe for tonight.
SCENE #13 – INT – BAR, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
As Nyssa and Billy get up and head out of the bar, Snowy and Buster watch them go. Snowy and Buster confer with each other once they’ve gone.
SNOWY
Well, you saw what happened. Now we’ve got competition.
BUSTER
There’s nothing to worry about, Snowy. The boy and girl are obviously fans of Judy Garland. They can’t do us much harm.
SNOWY
They can if they spoil everything. And they just did with Garland walking away with Rooney.
BUSTER
Well, maybe we can use this to our advantage.
SNOWY
(puzzled; intrigued) How do you mean?
BUSTER
Tell ya later. Let’s go and find Pugsley. Tell him what’s happened.
SNOWY
He’s probably busy. Could be anywhere by now.
Snowy and Buster get up and make to leave the bar.
SCENE #14 – INT – CAPTAIN’S OFFICE, S.S. MAJESTY – DAY, AFTERNOON
In the Captain’s office aboard the S.S. Majesty, Captain Toler reads some papers at his desk before he’s interrupted by a knock on the door.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Come in.
The door opens and Pugsley enters.
PUGSLEY
Sir!
CAPTAIN TOLER
And you are?
PUGSLEY
First officer Tristan Davies reporting for duty, sir!
CAPTAIN TOLER
(realises) Ah, yes. My first officer. You took your time getting here, didn’t you?
PUGSLEY
Yes, apologies, sir. There were…disturbances. My cabin suffered setbacks in its tarpaulin whilst I was unpacking.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Yeah, well, setbacks or no setbacks, don’t let it happen again. I expect you and the rest of my crew to be punctual. On time! Understood?
PUGSLEY
Understood, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Good. (Pause) Do sit down.
Pugsley sits on a chair to face opposite Captain Toler.
PUGSLEY
Thank you, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Now listen here, err….
PUGSLEY
Davies, sir. Tristan Davies.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Now listen here, Davies. I run a tight ship. This is the S.S. Majesty’s maiden voyage and we’re to attend to passengers on this cruise. Personally, I’m not happy with the idea of passengers aboard my ship, but I expect everyone to abide by the correct protocols as we sail. Passengers aboard cruise ships are of top priority. Their safety is vital!
PUGSLEY
Aye, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
There’s another thing I wanted to see you about. This ship’s also on an undercover mission. I have in my possession a special package that needs to be delivered to Hamburg in Germany. The package must not be let out under any circumstances. If it falls in the wrong hands, well…it’ll cause a furore unlike any other would have imagined.
PUGSLEY
I see, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Not yet, you don’t. I keep this package safe inside a ‘safe’.
PUGSLEY
(puzzled) I’m sorry, sir?
CAPTAIN TOLER
Safe…inside a ‘safe’. Get it? A safe inside a safe… (trails off; realises) It’s meant to be a joke!
Pugsley laughs out loud for a long time.
PUGSLEY
(laughs) Oh! Oh, that’s very good, sir! Very, very good! That’s absolutely funny! Well done, sir!
Pugsley laughs for a bit more.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(rebukes) Alright, alright, it’s not that funny, Davies.
At that, Pugsley stops laughing.
PUGSLEY
Sorry, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Come. I’ll show you where I keep the package.
Captain Toler gets up and escorts Pugsley to the safe in his office. Pugsley follows accordingly until they arrive at the safe.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Here we are.
PUGSLEY
The package is in there, sir?
CAPTAIN TOLER
Yes. And with the right combination code, it can be opened. The year of the Boston Tea Party. Seventeen Seventy-Three. Got that? An important number! Seventeen Seventy-Three.
PUGSLEY
Yes, Captain, I got it.
CAPTAIN TOLER
I’ll open the safe now to show you what’s inside the package.
The Captain starts to open the safe by unlocking it with the combination code. Pugsley watches, intrigued.
CAPTAIN TOLER
(murmurs) One…Seven…Seven…Three…
With the combination inserted, the safe is unlocked. Captain Toler opens the safe and takes out the package to show it to Pugsley.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Here we are, Davies. This is the package! Take a good look at what’s inside. Go on!
PUGSLEY
As you say, sir.
Pugsley takes the package from Captain Toler and opens it to see what’s inside. Once he sees what’s inside, Pugsley is intrigued and amazed, giving a low whistle.
PUGSLEY
(amazed) Wow, sir! What a pip!
CAPTAIN TOLER
Impressed? I can see that you are with that glow in your eyes.
PUGSLEY
How much did this thing cost, sir? More than fifty dollars, I’m sure.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Well, how much it costs isn’t really important. What’s important is that we get this pearl ring safely to Hamburg. I’m relying on you, Davies… No! I’m entrusting you to keep an eye on it and make sure no one gets their hands on the special package.
PUGSLEY
I understand, sir. You can trust me, I promise.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Well, I hope so. I wouldn’t want money to be lost if it fell into the wrong hands.
PUGSLEY
No, sir. We wouldn’t want that.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Now, if you’ll excuse me, Davies, I must attend to the bridge. You’ll accompany me?
PUGSLEY
Of course, sir.
CAPTAIN TOLER
We just need to put this package back in the safe and lock it before we go. And remember! I’m relying on you to remember the combination code for opening this safe should the need arise.
PUGSLEY
Aye, sir. Something to do with the Boston Tea Party, isn’t it?
CAPTAIN TOLER
That’s right.
PUGSLEY
Perhaps I’d better put the package back in the safe and lock it for you, sir. I can join you on the bridge shortly after that.
Captain Toler considers for a moment.
CAPTAIN TOLER
Very well. Join me when you can. I’ll be on deck.
PUGSLEY
Aye, sir.
Pugsley watches, as Captain Toler walks off and leaves his office to go out on deck. Once he’s gone, Pugsley quickly opens the safe door and puts in a ‘fake’ package whilst keeping the ‘real’ package to himself. Pugsley closes the safe door and locks it. Once the safe is locked, Pugsley puts the ‘real’ package in one of his pockets and heads off out of the Captain’s office to join him on deck.
PUGSLEY
(smug) Now we have the real package whilst the Captain has the fake one, which I cleverly put into his safe before locking it. (laughs) I never thought it would be this easy!
© Tim Bradley, 2025
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