1. Lord Scottos
It was a scene of death. Soldiers collapsed on top of each other – left, right and centre. The bodies piled up. Blood was everywhere. Spliced and sliced heads rolled onto the grassy fields that were filled in red. The corpses were increasing by the minute. No one could understand why. No one shouted for it to stop. No called for a ceasefire. Whatever the reason, the all-out war between two empires had significantly advanced and it wasn’t getting any better. No sign of anyone winning. The odds were inexplicable.
A tannoy announcement echoed across the battle plains, saying, “Emergency! Emergency! Attention tourists and holiday makers! This is a restricted war zone! Do not enter! Do not enter! Casualties will not be accounted for!”
The tannoy announcement went on in a loop as the war continued.
Inside the shopping mall of the Klingas city centre, all was quiet. The shops were shut. Very few, in fact hardly any, civilians walked about the hallways of the mall. It was like a ghost town in the Klingas city centre’s shopping mall.
Yet, a crippled soldier came walking down the hallway of the shopping mall. He was limping, struggling to keep going. He’d been shot severely in the foot. He also walked very strangely as he was unable to keep his balance. The soldier was fat; had a thick scruffy beard and wore round spectacles. He wore a dirty uniform, drenched in blood; mud and gunfire. The soldier grunted and breathed heavily as he walked down the hallway. He carried with him a bottle of what looked like alien fizzy-like beer in his right hand. He raised it to his mouth and gulped down the beer in one go. He’d been drinking a lot since the fighting started. As soon as he finished the bottle, the drunk soldier gave out a thunderous belch that echoed in the hallway.
“Yeah!” he roared. “What an elephant’s bottom that was. Must have more!!!!!”
Throwing the glass bottle away to the floor, which smashed into tiny pieces, the soldier took out another bottle of alien fizzy-like beer from his uniform. He pulled open the bottle cap and drank down the beer into his mouth. He gulped as the beer went down his throat.
“Yeah!” the drunken soldier roared. “Beer! Where would I be without you? I feel my stomach rumbling all over for you!”
The soldier gave out another belch. Then another. And then he made a loud fart from his behind. He laughed out loud once he did that.
“Oh dear! I seem to have wet my pants! Ah, no matter. More drink! Must get more on war duty!”
As he got to drinking more from his bottle, the soldier let out more loud thunderous belches. They echoed in the hallway.
The soldier laughed horrendously as he said, “Must go for breakfast option. To wake me up happy with beer and slices of toast covered with…cheese!!! Also sausages!!!”
Just then, the soldier felt pain inside him. He began to shake violently, letting out a loud cough and a belch at the same.
“Ooh! Oh, what happened?!” he said. “Didn’t expect that to happen! I seem to be burning inside! Not heart burn! Please, not heart burn!”
The soldier’s stomach then bulged and expanded as he shook violently. Smoke started to come out through his mouth and nose. He belched and coughed again.
“No!” he belched and coughed. “I can’t belch and cough at the same time! Can’t do two things at once!”
The drunk soldier repeatedly belched and coughed as he fell to the floor. He dropped his beer bottle which smashed to the grubby floor. Gasping for breath, the soldier belched and coughed endlessly.
“No! Stop it! Stop burping! Stop coughing!”
But his mouth and throat refused to listen to him as well as his stomach. He belched and coughed repeatedly and violently. He began to feel sick.
“Must stop myself belching and coughing!” he cried. “I had beer to keep me focused!”
Despite his protests, the soldier found himself turning over on his hands and knees, unable to stop himself belching and coughing.
“I can’t keep burping and coughing like this! Had too much beer! Too much beer!” After belching and coughing a while longer, the soldier cried, “Help me! Somebody please! HELP ME!!! I’M STUFFED!!! I’M STUFFED!!! I’M STUFFED!!!!!”
Finally, the drunken soldier stopped belching and coughing as he exploded, shooting off up into the ceiling. He smashed through it and ended up flying in the sky.
The soldier eventually landed rather roughly on the Garno terrain that formed part of the battlefield for this planet’s war. The drunk soldier became crumbled and dead. Smoke escaped from his ears and his mouth, which was wide-open. The other soldiers on the battlefield kept fighting with laser rifles against each other. They failed to notice the dead drunk solider that just fell to the ground. It was the strangest thing to happen. For someone to drink too much beer before belching and coughing to death.
In the huge Jules Verne cathedral-like structure that was the TARDIS, the Doctor strode into the console room with a cup of tea in his hand. He was followed by his latest companion Jennifer Ward – Jen for short. Jen had been travelling with the Doctor for quite some time now. Yet she still found it hard to find her way around the massive interior of the time and space ship he travelled about in. The Doctor managed to find her when she got lost and brought her back to the console room.
The Doctor sat down in a chair in the console room, about to have a nice cup of tea and read one of Agatha Christie’s novel. Jen stood over the Doctor, hands on her hips, looking put-out and aggrieved.
“Doctor, I thought you said you knew your way around the TARDIS,” she said. “You certainly got lost before we came back here in the console room.”
“I might have inadvertently switched rooms around in the TARDIS since I revamped the desktop features,” he admitted. “I’m sure the swimming pool was down the corridor; second on the right; down the corridor; third on the right and opposite the gym from where we are in the console room…”
“In the meantime,” Jen interjected, “I got hit in the face by bats when we went into that ‘eye of destruction’ chamber of yours. Bats, Doctor? Why do you keep bats? I thought you hated vampires!”
Ignoring Jen, the Doctor said, “Once I’ve finished this marvellous chapter of ‘Sleeping Murder’ by Agatha Christie, where would you like to go next, Jen? Past, present, future?”
“Oh I don’t know,” Jen shrugged. “I’ve always fancied Barry Island in South Wales. At least we can do some swimming there. Might even get a tan.”
At that moment, a beeping sound echoed from the hexagonal console at the centre of the room. Putting his cup of tea aside and closing his ‘Sleeping Murder’ book, the Doctor got up and went over to the console. Jen joined him and saw the Doctor press buttons and switches at the console. A light came on and bleeped as he did so.
“What is it, Doctor?” Jen asked. “What’s wrong? Why is that sound going off?”
“More accurately,” the Doctor answered, “who’s making that sound go off? Who Jen? Who?!”
“Who?” Jen became puzzled.
“It’s a telepathic message via the TARDIS translation circuits,” the Doctor explained. “It could be urgent. It could be from…”
Trailing off, the Doctor eventually managed to pick up the message he was receiving via the console. Placing his hands on the console, he closed his eyes as he made to listen to something. Gradually, Jen prodded him on the shoulder.
“Doctor, what is it?” she asked. “What are you doing?”
The Doctor didn’t answer at first. He was too far away whilst his eyes were shut. Jen mooched about for a bit, waiting in the console room.
Eventually the Doctor came back and he beamed delightedly. “Well, well, I never,” he said. “After all this time!” He paused before saying, “Hold tight, Jen! We’re on our way!”
Working hard at the console, the Doctor pulled switches and pressed buttons. The time rotor kicked into life as it rose up and down, inwards and outwards. The TARDIS was set for its new destination.
“What was all that about?” Jen asked. “Who was it that sent you the message? Your telepathic message, Doctor?”
“An old friend, Jen,” the Doctor replied. “A very old friend. One of my colleagues at the Academy back on Gallifrey.”
“Oh!” Jen realised. “An old school friend of yours.”
“Lord Scottos, his name is,” the Doctor said. “You’ll like him, Jen. He used to be a cardinal on the High Council of Time Lords. He’s now living as an exile on the planet Davastos – the main planet of the Davastos Empire. That’s where we’re going!”
Jen them became apprehensive as she said, “Doctor, this isn’t one of your old friends who’s completely nuts, is it?”
“Completely nuts?” the Doctor seemed affronted. “My dear Jen, none of my friends are completely nuts!”
“I beg to differ,” Jen retorted. “The last one was.”
“Which last one?” the Doctor asked.
“That old man we met in Cambridge 1979,” Jen replied. “What was his name? Professor ‘thingy’…you know.”
“Ah yes! Chronotis!” the Doctor declared. “Good old Chronotis. Such a nice old man, isn’t he?”
“You’re not in love with him are you, Doctor?”
“Whatever do you mean, Jen?”
“Nice?! He gave us too many cups of tea! Gave me too many cups of tea! I couldn’t stand it!”
“He likes his cups of tea, Jen.”
“He doesn’t have to keep making me cups of tea,” Jen complained. “Honestly, I couldn’t help being excused and going to the bathroom half the time we were there at his place in Cambridge. It was like meeting another Lord Hamilton.”
“Chronotis wasn’t as bad as Lord Hamilton, Jen,” the Doctor reminded her.
“I know, I know,” Jen relented.
“Besides,” the Doctor went on, “Lord Scottos isn’t like Chronotis. Well, not really. Not wholly. Well…perhaps just a little bit. You’ll like him. I promise.”
“Doctor,” Jen began wearily, “what’s this Lord Scottos’ obsessive little habit?”
“Nothing to worry about, Jen,” the Doctor tried to reassure her. “Trust me.”
Falling silent, the Doctor attempted to focus his attention at the console. He could sense Jen waiting for him to give her an answer.
“He loves pizza, Jen,” he said. “That’s all.”
“Pizza!” Jen exclaimed. “He’s obsessed with pizzas?!”
The Doctor tried to calm her down. “You’ll like him, Jen! I promise! Let’s waste no more time now! We must answer his call!”
Jen sighed away as the Doctor continued his attention at the TARDIS console.
The TARDIS eventually arrived at the battlefields of Garno on the planet surface. The previous battle had long finished by then that afternoon. The TARDIS doors opened and out stepped the Doctor and Jen. They looked around. The Doctor stretched out his arms whilst Jen could see clearly how the Doctor resembled Lord Byron. She remembered him telling her that he met Byron once as well as Mary Shelley.
“Ta-da!” the Doctor declared. “Here we are, Jen! Welcome to Davastos!”
Jen looked around in horror as she saw dead bodies piled up onto each other on the battlefields.
“Doctor, this is awful!” she declared. “Dead bodies piled up all over the place!”
The Doctor now saw what Jen saw. He too was aggrieved. He couldn’t believe the scene of death that was before him.
“This isn’t right,” he said. “This isn’t how I remembered Davastos the last time I visited it. The Davastos Empire was such a peaceful and prosperous place in the universe.”
“But what’s happened here?” Jen asked. “These dead soldiers. There must be hundreds of them! We’re in the middle of a war here, aren’t we?”
“Seems like it,” the Doctor replied. “Unless the planet’s been invaded by an army of Jagoroths. The Davastons were probably unprepared for the attack.”
Jen couldn’t help but notice one of the soldiers stirring. She tugged at the Doctor’s shoulder. “Err…Doctor?”
“Reminds me of the time when I visited Winston Churchill in the war office and I told him…”
The Doctor then stopped mid-sentence as he saw what Jen was pointing at. He went over to the fallen soldier and knelt down to check him. Jen knelt beside the Doctor as she saw the bloodied face of the dying man.
“He doesn’t look old,” Jen observed. “He seems to be my age.”
“Poor chap,” the Doctor said remorsefully. “He won’t last much longer. Unless we can find a hospital.”
“Then that’s what we should do,” Jen suggested. “Get him to a hospital quick before…”
“Wait a minute Jen, wait,” the Doctor insisted as he got to his feet and took out his sonic screwdriver.
He buzzed it to life once he switched it on and scanned the area. Jen watched the Doctor scanning the area for a bit before she spotted an empty bottle lying beside the dying soldier. She scooped down to pick it up and looked at it curiously. Jen turned to the Doctor, but he wasn’t listening.
“Hmm. This place reeks of death,” the Doctor said. “But no sign of radiation or a leakage of a harmful substance. I wonder what these men were fighting for.”
“Doctor,” Jen prompted.
“Not now, Jen,” the Doctor dismissed her. “We must get to Lord Scottos immediately. He might be able to tell us what’s…”
“Doctor, will you please listen!” Jen said impatiently. “This bottle I’ve found. Look at it!”
The Doctor snapped out of it as he looked at the bottle that Jen found. Curious as he inspected it, the Doctor took another look at the dying soldier on the ground.
“Hmm. This chap must’ve had this on him to keep him going,” the Doctor suggested. “In order to give him energy whilst he was fighting.”
“Well, that’s understandable,” Jen said. “I would be scared stiff if I was fighting out here. I would need something like alcohol to keep me happy.”
The Doctor read the label on the glass bottle. “Blufor Beer.”
“What?” Jen enquired.
“That’s what it says here,” the Doctor told her. “The beer brand is Blufor. Can’t say I approve of their marketing and distribution tactics.”
“The soldier looks really battered,” Jen observed. “His clothes are torn to shreds. He must’ve fallen from a great height. Or got caught in some kind of blast. Or worse.”
“I don’t think that was the cause of this poor man’s death, Jen,” the Doctor said, uncertain.
“Then what other reason could there be?” Jen asked.
“The beer perhaps,” the Doctor suggested. “Perhaps the beer affected him somehow.”
“What do you mean, Doctor?”
“I’m not sure, Jen,” the Doctor gradually answered her. “I’m not really sure.”
The Doctor then picked something up from his sonic screwdriver. It made a bleeping sound. He switched it back on again and it buzzed quite furiously.
“Hey Doctor, what’s with your sonic screwdriver?” Jen wanted to know.
“Not sure, Jen. It’s picking up some strange energy emissions,” the Doctor relayed. “In fact, these are energy emissions I seem to recognise from before.”
The Doctor then became astonished as he almost seemed to be in disbelief as Jen would describe it.
“No!” he exclaimed. “No, it can’t be! It simply can’t be!”
“What is it, Doctor?” Jen asked. “What’s wrong?”
“Again! After all this time!”
The Doctor’s thoughts were then interrupted as suddenly he and Jen were surrounded by troopers. They had charged in before they raised their laser rifles at the Doctor and Jen. The troopers told the Doctor and Jen to surrender. Jen and the Doctor made no resistance. They couldn’t escape.
“What do we do, Doctor?” Jen enquired. “Please tell me you’ve got a plan.”
“Of course, Jen,” he reassured her. “I always have a plan.”
“Great!” Jen said pleased. “What is it?”
Cheerfully, the Doctor said, “Hands up, Jen! Hands up!”
She didn’t know what to say. Jen couldn’t work out the Doctor at times. Eventually, she and the Doctor raised their hands up in the air whilst the troopers trained their laser weapons on them.
The soldiers escorted the Doctor and Jen to the city state of Klingas. They were led inside through the White Gate. Jen realised she and the Doctor had to wait a while before they could go on any further.
She whispered as they waited. “Doctor, I’m curious.”
“About what, Jen?”
“About these soldiers. How come they arrested us before asking why we came here?”
“I usually get that when coming to a place like this,” the Doctor explained. “Perhaps it’s good old Scottos. He’s providing us with this escort.”
“You really think so?”
“I wouldn’t put it past him,” the Doctor said. “He officially runs the city state of Klingas, you know.”
“What?” Jen became surprised. “That and eating lots of pizzas?”
“It’s a luxurious life for him as a Time Lord whilst ruling a city like this,” the Doctor declared.
Jen’s curiosity got the better of her as she persisted further. “Doctor, when you were using the sonic screwdriver, you said you recognised the energy emissions it had picked up. What exactly did you mean by that?”
The Doctor took a deep breath to explain. “Specifically Jen, I’m referring to a series of events I’ve had an connection with concerning an ancient star power that the Time Lords would give millions to have. In short, I’m talking about Zorbius.”
“Zorbius?” Jen became perplexed. “What’s that? A person?”
“A crystal, Jen,” the Doctor said. “A crystal of time…which has my DNA imprinted into it by Salvador himself.”
Jen felt a headache was about to come on. “Sorry Doctor, it’s too early in the day for me. Say again?”
“Zorbius is a star crystal that allows anyone to control any space-time event in the universe,” the Doctor elaborated. “It’s a part of me. An alternative version of me inhabits that crystal. It’s been haunting me throughout my various selves in time and space.”
“I see,” Jen said. “And where is this crystal now?”
“In my TARDIS,” the Doctor told her. “I keep it secure since I previously encountered Zorbius. Last time, it possessed a swarm of Cybermen.”
Jen was certain of it. She was getting a headache. And she wasn’t sure if it was getting worse.
“So you have the Zorbius crystal in your TARDIS,” she deduced. “And your sonic screwdriver detected an energy signature of it on this planet. How come it’s in the TARDIS and on this planet at the same time?”
“Ah well, you see that’s the snag,” the Doctor admitted. “The Zorbius crystal got smashed and scattered across the universe. I’ve been picking up and collecting fragments of the Zorbius crystal in order to get the complete set.”
“So the crystal was smashed and you’ve been picking up pieces of it throughout your various lives,” Jen realised. “That’s err…interesting.”
“And I’ll tell you something even more interesting, Jen,” the Doctor went on. “My sonic screwdriver traced the energy signature of the Zorbius crystal in the direction of this city state where Lord Scottos lives.”
At that moment, they were interrupted as two soldiers came towards them – a commanding officer and a lieutenant. The commander was rather tough and mean-looking. He had a fairly trimmed moustache and black hair. He approached the Doctor and Jen accusingly.
“Right!” he began angrily. “Just what do you two think you’re doing?! How come you happen to be in a war zone unprotected and unarmed?! Are you stupid?!”
“Wait a minute, hang on,” Jen protested. “We’ve only just got here. You can’t accuse us of anything yet.”
The Doctor tried to be diplomatic. “We can explain, Commander…”
“Stack! Commander Hugh Stack!” he introduced himself. “And don’t give me any of that trash! I expect an answer from you two!”
“Easy, Commander,” the lieutenant tried to calm him superior officer. “You can see for yourself that they’re not enemy agents. Look at their clothes. Do they look like they come from the other side?”
The lieutenant had fair hair; was rather handsome; tall and very fit. Jen liked him.
“Please help us,” she begged. “We don’t understand what’s going on here. How come there are dead bodies piled up out there when we arrived?”
“You don’t know?” the lieutenant was surprised. “You don’t realise we are at war?”
“As my friend said, we’ve only just arrived,” the Doctor reiterated. “Oh and this is my friend Jen – Jen Ward. Say hello to them, Jen.”
“Hiya!” Jen greeted and smiled. “Nice to meet you, Mr.…?”
“Danny,” the lieutenant replied. “Lieutenant Danny Williams.”
“Hiya Danny,” Jen greeted again. “Nice to meet you.”
“And I’m the Doctor by the way,” the Doctor pitched in. “Hello! Now what’s this about with a war you’ve been having?”
“We’ve been at war for nearly two years,” Stack said. “Between us – the Davastos Empire – and them – the Grealan Empire.”
“The Grealan Empire!” the Doctor exclaimed. “My goodness! I wonder what grudge they have against you.”
“Perhaps you should like more answers when you meet his worship at the court palace,” Stack suggested.
“His worship?” the Doctor realised. “You mean…?”
“Lord Scottos, of course,” Stack answered. “You know him then.”
“Yes!” the Doctor cheered. He turned to Jen. “You see, Jen! I told you good old Scottos would send us an escort.”
Jen rolled her eyes as they were eventually escorted by the soldiers.
They eventually arrived at the court palace. Stack ordered Danny to ring the doorbell. The other soldiers kept guard on the Doctor and Jen. Jen couldn’t help but feel a prisoner with these soldiers watching them. She then saw the front door open as a little man stepped out.
“Watley!” Stack called. “We found the…”
The little man called Watley ignored Stack as he made his way over to greet the Doctor.
“Good afternoon, Doctor,” Watley greeted. “Apologies you’ve had an unpleasant trip here.”
“Why Watley!” the Doctor exclaimed. “Watley, isn’t it? Good old Scottos’ valet?”
“Yes sir,” Watley said pleased. “Very good to see you again.”
“Likewise,” the Doctor said. “How kind of you to remember me.”
“It’s a valet’s job to keep account of all his lordship’s friends and acquaintances, sir,” Watley answered.
“Absolutely,” agreed the Doctor. “And a fine job of it you do too.” The Doctor then moved Jen to step forward. “This is my friend and travelling companion Miss…”
“…Miss Jen Ward,” Watley finished. “How do you do, miss.”
Jen was startled. “You know me?”
“It’s also a valet’s job to keep track of the Doctor’s companions,” Watley said. “At least that’s what his lordship tells me.”
“Of course he does,” the Doctor smiled. “And rightly so. Is…?”
“Lord Scottos is waiting for you, Doctor,” Watley said. “If you’ll follow me sir, I can take you to him right now.”
“Oh good, good,” the Doctor said pleased. “Lead the way, Watley my dear fellow.”
With that, Watley led the way. As they followed, Jen tapped the Doctor’s shoulder.
“You certainly get about places don’t you, Doctor,” she remarked. “With people knowing you already. Doesn’t it bother you sometimes?”
“Not in the slightest,” the Doctor replied. “Unless of course they’re people I haven’t met yet and they know me already. That gets on my nerves sometimes.”
Stack called out as the Doctor and Jen followed Watley inside. “Shall I provide an armed escort, Watley…?”
“You get back to your normal duties, Commander,” Watley answered him. “That is all.”
“Goodbye, Commander,” the Doctor said cheerily. “Have a good fighting day!”
Jen meanwhile called out to Danny. “Bye Danny! See ya later!”
“Yeah bye, Jen,” Dan answered. “Catch up with you again soon.”
Jen smiled before she caught up with the Doctor. They were soon gone, following Watley inside the court palace. Stack grunted and sulked as he walked away.
Watley knocked the door to Scottos’ hall room and a booming voice echoed in reply.
“Come in, Watley!” boomed Scottos from a distance. “Show our guests in!”
With that, Watley opened the door and led the Doctor and Jen inside.
“Do take a seat, Doctor; Miss Ward,” Watley invited. “His lordship will be with you shortly.”
“Thank you, Watley,” the Doctor said. “Will we be having pizza today?”
“What already?” Jen asked.
“Pizza!” Scotts boomed nearby. “Take orders for pizza, Watley!”
“Very good, sir,” Watley answered as he turned to the Doctor. “May I take your order please, Doctor?”
“Oh just standard Hawaiian please, Watley,” the Doctor said.
“Did the Doctor ask for a standard Hawaiian, Watley?” Scottos boomed nearby.
“He did, sir,” Watley answered.
“Thought so,” Scottos replied. “Make that a large stuffed crust will you.”
“Very good, sir,” Watley said. He then turned to Jen. “And you, Miss Ward?”
“I don’t really want a pizza,” Jen excused herself. “I’ve just had breakfast.”
“Did the girl say she just had breakfast?” Scottos boomed nearby.
“Yes sir,” Watley answered.
“Thought so,” Scotts replied. “Give her a big breakfast stuffed crust pizza then. She’ll enjoy it.”
“Very good sir,” Watley said.
Jen protested, “No, no! I don’t want any pizza! I said…”
The Doctor stopped her and said, “Sit down, Jen. It’d be most impolite to stand on ceremony.”
As they sat down in their seats, Watley took the Doctor and Jen’s orders down in a notepad. At that moment, Scottos entered the room. Jen could see he was a rather tall and filled-out sort of person. Not much like the elegant style Jen had always associated with Time Lords.
“Doctor!” Scottos cheered, delighted. “My dear Doctor! Welcome; welcome to my little house! Welcome to Klingas! Welcome to planet Davastos!”
“It’s good to see you too, Scottos dear fellow,” the Doctor cheerily happily. “This is my friend, Jen…”
“…Jen Ward!” Scottos finished. “Of course! Very nice to see you again, dear.”
“You know me then?” Jen enquired.
“Well not yet,” Scottos admitted. “But I’m sure I will soon.”
“But…how come you know me?” Jen wondered. “This is the first time I’ve met you.”
“Yes,” Scottos agreed. “And I’ll probably meet you earlier.”
Baffled for a moment, Jen went on, “And your valet, what’s his name…?”
“Watley, Jen,” the Doctor told her. “His name’s Watley.”
“Watley, right,” Jen got it. “He said you keep track of who travels with the Doctor.”
“That’s just it you see, my dear,” Watley proclaimed. “I always like to keep track of who travels with the Doctor and vice versa. He always has a knack of befriending so many people to join him on his travels.”
“Yes, so I’ve gathered,” Jen said ruefully.
“Now Doctor,” Scottos addressed him. “Who was that last person you were travelling with the last time I saw you? Was it err…Izzy Sinclair? Yes, that’s it! Izzy Sinclair!” He paused for a moment. “Or was it Professor Bernice Summerfield – Benny to her friends? Perhaps it was Mary Shelley. Or Fitz Kriener. Or Charley. Or Lucie…”
“Possibly,” the Doctor interrupted. “Very nice of you to ask me and Jen over? And with such hospitality?”
“Oh it’s the best I can offer,” Scottos said proudly. “To make you and your dear charming friend comfortable as possible. Now where are those pizzas?” He called out, “Watley! Watley, where’s my stuffed crusts? And where’s the breakfast option?!”
Scottos went off to search for Watley. Whilst he was gone, Jen whispered to the Doctor with gritted teeth.
“I was right. Your friend Scottos is nuts. Pizza obsessive and a weirdo.”
“Stop it, Jen,” the Doctor rebuked. “We don’t want to be rude to our host now, do we? We’ve only just got comfy on these nice seats.”
Scottos eventually came back, pushing a trolley that had boxes of large pizzas pilled on top of it. He began handing out plates to the Doctor and Jen as well as larges glasses filled with coke. He soon opened the boxes that contained the pizzas inside.
“Here we are!” Scottos cheered. “This is more like it! Pizzas in the boxes and coke in the glasses! Come on now, Doctor and Jen! Tuck in! Would you like some garlic bread and potato wedges for starters? Perhaps some chicken strippers?”
The Doctor helped himself, eager to get into his Hawaiian stuffed crust. He looked to Scottos with half a mouthful of pizza inside.
“I say, Scottos dear fellow,” he said. “You really do treat us well.”
Jen rolled her eyes as she sighed away. She definitely felt like that orange cartoon cat she used to watch on TV when she was a little girl.
“I really do hate Mondays,” she muttered.
Watley made some notes in his diary for Lord Scottos. He received a client call for an appointment next Tuesday. He already had a call from Commander Stack who made protests about the Doctor and Jen. Watley didn’t like Commander Stack. With his high principles and military protocols. Watley then became certain he didn’t like the young man who came up to him now. He was slim, had black hair and a thin moustache.
“You! Little man!”
“Yes sir,” Watley answered. “Do you want something?”
“I want Scottos!” the man demanded. “Where is he?!”
“He is busy, sir,” Watley told him. “He is with the Doctor and his companion Miss Ward. They’re not to be disturbed.”
“Ah! So the Doctor is already in there,” the man realised. “What perfect timing that is.”
“May I ask who you are, sir?” Watley enquired.
“Don’t you recognise me, you stupid man?” the man scoffed. “I am Wickham.”
“Wickham?”
“I’m in charge of the Blufor Beer Distillery,” he said. “We wish to publicise the war. I wish to see Scottos and discuss it.”
“You’re in charge of beer making and you want to advertise the war with Scottos’ help,” Watley became confused.
“Tell him this!” Wickham commanded. “If he doesn’t let me see him, I will see to it that he is destroyed. Unless the current owner of the crystal comes forward and surrenders himself. See to it that he gets my message, little man!”
With that, Wickham went off in a huff. Watley watched the man leave.
“That’s got to be one of the strangest and rudest visitors I’ve ever met,” he said. “Good thing his lordship wasn’t around to offer him pizza.”
Jen felt stuffed. She never felt so stuffed in all her life. She’d just eaten six slices of pizza. She couldn’t believe how Lord Scottos was able to keep going with stuffing his face. She wondered how in the world he never got so fat.
“More pizza, my dear?” he asked.
Jen backed away as Scottos came towards her, offering another slice of pizza from the pizza box. It was pepperoni – his favourite.
“No, no, no,” she answered before hastily adding, “No more for me, thank you.”
But Scottos ignored Jen. He immediately placed a seventh slice of pizza onto her plate.
“There you are,” he cheered. “I knew you would say yes! Enjoy yourself, why don’t you?”
Jen groaned. She couldn’t take it anymore. She placed her plate to one side on a nearby table. Whilst she did that, the Doctor took his chance to ask the question. The question as to why he and Jen were here.
“So what can we do for you, Scottos?” he asked. “Why did you send for us?”
Scottos ignored the Doctor’s question and said, “Have some more potato wedges, my dear fellow. And have some more garlic bread with mozzarella.”
Jen became frustrated, and annoyed with Scottos’ pizza obsession. She wanted to get out of the room. But she couldn’t be impolite like the Doctor. And there was still the war to consider. She decided to join in and help the Doctor.
“Is it something to do with the war, Lord Scottos?” she asked.
“War, my dear?” Scottos enquired.
“Yeah. The war that’s been going on between these two empires,” Jen reminded him. “The Davastos and…the Grealan Empires I believe that one’s called.”
“How come there’s a war going on and you’re sitting here all day eating pizzas, Scottos?” the Doctor asked.
“Oh the war’s merely a skirmish,” Scottos said. “A distraction.” He paused for a moment before saying, “No actually. Now that you’re here Doctor, there is something you can do for me.”
“What?” the Doctor wanted to know.
“You didn’t by any chance pick up any strange energy signatures whilst you were here, did you?” Scottos checked. “With that sonic screwdriver of yours?”
“Yes, I did actually,” the Doctor replied. “Energy emissions connected to a very powerful star crystal. The Zorbius star crystal, which I’ve got in my TARDIS. You know about it then, Scottos.”
“Oh yes,” Scottos told him. “That’s what this is all about. The fight for Zorbius has grown stronger since your last encounter, Doctor.”
“The fight for Zorbius?” Jen was confused. “Grown stronger?”
“Exactly, my dear,” Scottos replied. “And as I recall, there’s a distribution of alien beer to given to many soldiers in the war. Blufor Beer that makes you belch until you die.”
Jen and the Doctor looked at each other for a moment. They couldn’t believe it. Only half an hour ago, they discovered a beer bottle close to a dead soldier on a battlefield. How did this connect to the Zorbius crystal?
“How very interesting,” the Doctor remarked. “Wouldn’t you say so, Jen? Very interesting this.”
“Very interesting, Doctor,” Jen replied.
“And I know exactly where this beer is being distributed from, Doctor,” Scottos said.
“Really Scottos,” the Doctor said surprised. “Where?”
“From the enemy planet itself,” Scottos told him. “The infinity planet – Grealas!”
The Doctor and Jen became bewildered by this.
“And this connects to the Zorbius crystal how, Lord Scottos?” the Doctor enquired.
“Well, with everything,” Scottos stated. “The war, the beer, the infinity planet…”
“Infinity planet?” Jen checked.
“Yes,” Scottos confirmed. “All because I’ve got a fragment of the Zorbius energy and they want it.”
“‘They’, Scottos?” the Doctor asked.
“Yes,” Scottos answered. “And now you’re here Doctor, they’ll want what you’ve got of the Zorbius crystal from your TARDIS.”
A moment of tension ensued. Jen could see the apprehension on the Doctor’s face. At that moment, Watley entered.
“Excuse me, sir,” Watley said. “Sorry for interrupting.”
“Yes Watley, what is it?” Scottos asked.
“A strange man came earlier,” Watley told him. “A man called Wickham.”
“Wickham?” The name didn’t register with Scottos.
“He said he runs the Blufor Beer Company that advertises the war between Davastos and Grealas,” Watley elaborated.
“How interesting,” the Doctor remarked. “Did he say what he wanted?”
“He wanted to see you, my lord,” Watley told Scottos.
“Did he indeed,” Scottos said, intrigued.
“I told him you were busy and he asked me to inform you that he wants to advertise the war with you and that if you do not see him soon, he will destroy you unless the current owner of the crystal comes forward and surrenders,” Watley explained. “That’s what he said, sir.”
Jen became troubled. “Doctor! You’re the current owner of the crystal. So that means…”
“Yes Jen,” the Doctor answered. “He knows about me already.”
“Oh dear,” Scottos said. “This is most disturbing. Most disturbing indeed.”
A moment of silence ensued.
“Anyone for another slice of pepperoni?” Scottos said, as if nothing worried him. “Or perhaps a chicken wing?”
The Doctor eventually agreed with Jen. Now wasn’t the time to stuff oneself with food to keep him or her happy. This was deadly serious. Lord Scottos had to face up to it.
Miss Gordon the secretary sat at her desk on the bridge of Wickham’s ship. Wickham entered and she stood up to greet him. Miss Gordon put on a cheery smile and saw how tired he looked.
“Welcome back, Mr Wickham,” she greeted. “Were you successful in your meeting with Lord Scottos?”
“No, I was not,” Wickham replied. “But I will see him soon, you’ll see.”
“Anything you wish for me to get you, sir?” Miss Gordon asked. “A drink perhaps. A light snack. Or perhaps you prefer some company this evening.”
“I require rest,” Wickham said. “Nothing more. I shall be in my quarters. I need to gather my thoughts and prepare for the next stage of my strategy.”
“And what is the next stage of your strategy, sir?” Miss Gordon enquired.
“I don’t know,” Wickham answered. “I haven’t prepared for it yet.” He paused for a moment. “I must get to Grealas – the infinity planet. Even with the infinite amount of drinks with infinite amounts of energy in them, it’s not enough to get me the power I want. What I most desire.”
“You still managed to kill off a lot of Grealans,” Miss Gordon reminded him. “And you managed to win the upper hand in the war. I think what you’re doing is absolutely marvellous. You are a genius! A marvel, I might add! A dishy marvel, I might add more.”
“I still run a company that advertises beer and the war,” Wickham grumbled. “I need to get the Doctor to come here. I need him so I can have the Zorbius crystal.” After a moment’s pause, he said, “Perhaps I should check up on the Doctor and find out more about his history. About his connections to the Zorbius crystal.”
“Oh I’m pretty sure you can do absolutely anything, Mr. Wickham,” Miss Gordon said admiringly. “Absolutely anything indeed.”
Wickham gave Miss Gordon a rather shrewd look. “Why am I talking to you anyway? You’re just my secretary! I shall retire to my quarters at once!”
“Wouldn’t you like anything else, dear sir?” Miss Gordon asked. “A massage perhaps.”
“No,” Wickham answered. “Give me a call in the next half hour. I shall have my sleeping period now. Do not disturb me.”
With that, Wickham went off to his quarters. Miss Gordon went back to sit down behind her desk again and she sighed deeply.
“And he’s such a dashing young man,” she said.
Back in the court palace, Scottos was babbling whilst the Doctor and Jen looked at him squarely in the face.
“Are you sure I can’t tempt you with another pepperoni?” Scottos asked. “Or meat feast. Or perhaps a cheese feast. Pizza boys really do well with the cheese feasts.”
“Lord Scottos!” Jen raised her voice. “Now is not the time to be thinking about pizzas; chicken strippers; potato wedges; what have you. This is serious!”
“Scottos, how long have you kept that Zorbius energy with you since you first found it?” the Doctor asked.
“Well, you see I had it when…well…”
“Yes?” the Doctor prompted.
“I’ve forgotten, you see,” Scottos eventually said.
“Oh please!” Jen groaned. “Do try and remember! This is important!”
“I can’t remember,” Scottos said. “I’ve got a memory like a…like a…”
“A sieve?” Jen suggested. “To strain rice?”
“No, my dear,” Scottos answered. “A tennis racket! I strain my spaghetti in it! That’s something else I enjoy! Would you like some of my spaghetti, my dear? Or better yet, have pizza with spaghetti!”
“Please stop it will you, Scottos!” Jen pleaded, exasperated. “Just stop it! This is very important!”
“No, no, Jen,” the Doctor interrupted. “How long he’s had the Zorbius energy isn’t important. The important thing is this!” He addressed Scottos. “Don’t you realise Scottos that keeping the Zorbius energy is terribly dangerous?! You’ve no idea what’s inside that energy! Somebody else might be coming along to get it from you!”
“And didn’t you hear what your butler said?” Jen tried to remind Scottos. “Somebody came today and asked about the crystal. And he wants the Doctor to bring the crystal to him. This bloke will probably kill you unless the Doctor surrenders.”
“Well, I’m sure the Doctor has an idea up his sleeve to sort this mess out,” Scottos suggested. “Haven’t you, Doctor?”
“Don’t expect to rely on me so heavily, good old Scottos,” the Doctor advised him. “I don’t even know who this Wickham is or what he’s capable of.”
“So does that mean you won’t be helping me then, Doctor?” Scottos asked.
The Doctor gave an aggrieved look. He didn’t like to let Scottos down. But at the same time, he didn’t like being coerced into something, particularly where it concerned him.
“I’ll do all I can, Scottos old friend,” the Doctor reassured him.
“We’ll do all we can,” Jen added.
“Thank you, Jen,” the Doctor said appreciatively. “But first, we need some answers. First…”
“…Where have you put this Zorbius energy piece, Scottos?” Jen finished the Doctor’s question for him.
“Oh yes!” Scottos realised. “The Zorbius energy piece. Well, err…err…”
Scottos began thinking. He nervously prodded the end of his thumb to his lip.
“Yes Scottos?” the Doctor prompted.
“Don’t interrupt me,” Scottos said sharply. “Err…err…”
“Please don’t say you’ve forgotten where you’ve put the Zorbius energy,” Jen groaned.
“No, no,” Scottos retorted. “I do remember. I put it in a safe place. I just can’t remember where that exact safe place is.”
“Where was the last time you saw it, Scottos?” the Doctor asked.
“Oh my goodness,” Scottos fumbled. “I err…was it err…was it at that Italian restaurant with that really nice girl I met? In a pink dress? Or maybe it was blue. Could’ve been three different colours. Not quite sure.”
“Where was the last time you saw it, Scottos?” the Doctor prompted.
“Oh I’ve got a memory like err…err…”
“A tennis racket?” Jen offered.
“No, no!”
“A sieve?”
“No, no, no!”
“How many words does it have?” Jen chided ruefully.
“Jen, this isn’t helping,” the Doctor told her off.
“Sorry,” Jen said apologetically before she addressed Scottos again. “Did you keep it in a glass jar, Lord Scottos? Or a little box?”
“Yes I remember!” Scottos shouted abruptly. “I remember distinctly! Yes! I remember it all clearly now!”
“What, Scottos dear fellow?” the Doctor said encouraingly.
“Yes what?” Jen prompted.
“Flowers!” Scottos said cheerily.
“Pardon?” asked Jen, confused.
“She wore a dress designed with flowers,” Scottos told them. “Three colours – blue; green and pink. The girl I met wore a pretty dress with multi-coloured flowers. I must get her contact number. See how she is. Get her to come out on a pizza night.”
Annoyed, the Doctor asked again, “When was the last time you saw the Zorbius energy fragment, Scottos?”
“You said you put it in a safe place,” Jen reminded him.
“Yes! That’s it!” Scottos exclaimed. “A safe!”
“Yes Scottos,” the Doctor said exasperated. “We established that. A safe place…”
“No Doctor, I mean a safe!” Scottos told him. “That’s where I put it! I put the Zorbius energy fragment in a safe!”
“What, you actually put it in an safe safe,” Jen realised. “One of those things that stores money in a bank and such.”
“That’s a vault, Jen,” the Doctor told her.
“Same thing,” Jen retorted.
“Yes, my dear Doctor; my dear Jen,” Scottos said overjoyed. “I actually put it in a safe, but I can’t remember the combination.”
“No matter,” the Doctor said. “Let’s find the safe first. Where is it, Scottos?”
“Where is it?” Scottos tried to think. “Why yes of course. It’s hidden behind a wall. I hid the safe behind a wall.”
“Where is the wall, Scottos?” Jen asked. “Please tell us!”
“Just there,” Scottos pointed. “On the far left.”
“Right Jen,” the Doctor said enthused. “Help me with moving the wall.”
“How do we move it, Doctor?” Jen asked.
“I don’t know yet,” the Doctor said. “But we might as well as get started.”
The Doctor and Jen approached the wall on the far left of Scottos’ hall room as they began to start moving it. As they got to shift the wall, the Doctor turned back to Scottos.
“What does this safe look like?” he asked. “What’s it made of?”
“The base is made of pastry and there’s cheese and pepperoni on top,” Scottos answered.
“The safe?” the Doctor enquired.
“No Doctor,” Jen sighed. “He’s talking about that slice of pizza he’s currently eating.”
Jen and the Doctor became annoyed as Lord Scottos took another slice of pepperoni pizza and ate it.
© Tim Bradley, 2020
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